Columbia Student Detained for Attempting to Major in 'Undercover Espionage'

In an unprecedented display of commitment to academia, a Columbia University student was detained by federal agents Thursday morning for allegedly attempting to declare a major in "Undercover Espionage." The incident unfolded at one of the university's residential buildings, leaving classmates both baffled and slightly impressed.

University officials, led by an extremely bemused acting president, stated that the student's activities were initially interpreted as an ambitious approach to a seemingly harmless extra credit project on "International Intrigue." The project, designed to inspire creative thinking, did not intend for students to actually instigate international scandal.

Witnesses reported seeing the student honing their 'spy craft' by memorizing cafeteria layouts and blending in with the crowd—skills that were apparently subtle enough to catch the attention of actual federal authorities. "We always knew he was a bit extra," commented a fellow student. "But this really takes it to new heights. Or depths, depending on how you look at it."

While the university considers its guidelines for future projects, the student's peers have already begun launching petitions demanding a retroactive A+ for "commitment to realism." As one petition organizer put it, "If anything, he raised the bar for future classes. We really should've seen it coming after he tried to live in the library's ventilation system last semester."

Federal agents, now familiar with the university's creative curriculum, have reportedly enrolled in evening classes to better understand hypothetical major projects in the future.