Congress to Replace All Cars with Horse-Drawn Carriages to Outpace Foreign Competition

In a bold move to revitalize the American auto industry and shield it from foreign influences, Congress has proposed legislation to replace modern vehicles with horse-drawn carriages. This innovative strategy, lawmakers argue, will put America back in the driver’s seat by reintroducing the true essence of horsepower to the nation’s bustling transportation network.

"By reverting to horse-drawn carriages, we not only eliminate the risk of foreign car manufacturers overpowering our market but also ensure a green and sustainable future," declared Senator Gallop Greene. "Imagine the charm of rush hour traffic composed entirely of majestic stallions and their trusty wagons."

Critics of the plan question its practicality, highlighting potential issues such as hay shortages, traffic jams in large metropolitan areas, and an inevitable spike in street-cleaning bills. However, proponents remain undeterred, promoting the scheme as a sure-fire way to enhance American uniqueness and self-reliance.

The legislation also includes subsidies for horse breeding and incentives for buggy innovation, promising a golden age for an industry that has lain dormant since the advent of the automobile. As lawmakers continue championing their equine enthusiasm, foreign automobile manufacturers wait with bated breath—perhaps to offer their next best idea: camel caravans.