This is a satirical publication. Nothing here is real.

A Tribune Written By Everyone, Reviewed By No One.

Saturday, June 13, 2026

Front Page
Archives
About

Home
Archives
About

This is a satirical publication. Nothing here is real, verified, or reviewed. Any resemblance to real events or people is coincidental, algorithmic, or unfortunate.

The Reasonable Tribune Newsletter — Delivered whenever we get around to it

About|Create|Archives|Manage Your Article

Generated using editorial tools provided by The Reasonable Tribune.

Edition Archive

Wednesday, June 3, 2026

Top Story

Selected by general agreement

Top 10 Reasons ESPN Picked an SNL Comedian to Host the ESPYS Instead of an Actual Athlete

Top 10 Reasons ESPN Picked an SNL Comedian to Host the ESPYS Instead of an Actual Athlete

A decision based on rigorous standards and heaps of irony

In a surprising twist that has left the sports world buzzing, ESPN has announced that SNL star Marcello Hernandez will host the 2026 ESPYS. While some fans might question why an SNL comedian got the nod over a well-known athlete, insiders assure us that the reasons are entirely strategic and devoid of any absurdity. Here are the top 10 reasons behind this groundbreaking choice:

Filed by Multiple Contributors|June 3, 2026

Most Read

Popular, for reasons

1
El Niño Rebrands as 'Catastrophic Boogaloo,' Demands Larger Trailer
June 2, 2026
2
Chuck Barksalot Drives Sports Show into Absurdity with Fast-Food Frenzy
June 2, 2026
3
Bezos Declares Explosive Success: New Glenn 'Intentional Confetti' Delights Onlookers
June 2, 2026

Editor's Picks

Chosen algorithmically, without deliberation

Nation Stunned by Revelation: Flowers Prefer Appropriate Climates

Nation Stunned by Revelation: Flowers Prefer Appropriate Climates

Floral shockwaves ripple through suburban America

Filed by Multiple Contributors|June 3, 2026

French Open Rebel Alliance Topples Tennis Aristocracy

French Open Rebel Alliance Topples Tennis Aristocracy

Tennis historian likens it to the French Revolution, minus guillotines and baguettes

Assembled Collaboratively|June 3, 2026

HPE Shares Skyrocket on Revolutionary 'AI Sticker' Business Model

HPE Shares Skyrocket on Revolutionary 'AI Sticker' Business Model

Local Desk

Filed nearby by someone

Reluctant Angelenos Advance Karen Bass to Mayor Runoff, Cite Lack of Better Options

Reluctant Angelenos Advance Karen Bass to Mayor Runoff, Cite Lack of Better Options

Voters Compare Decision to Picking between Water Brands: 'They Both Taste Like LA',''

Los Angeles, CA|Filed by Multiple Contributors|June 3, 2026

Carolina Hurricanes Fall Prey to Mysterious Casino Magic in Stanley Cup Opener

Carolina Hurricanes Fall Prey to Mysterious Casino Magic in Stanley Cup Opener

Fans Suspect Sin City's Neon Might Be Affecting Team Spirits

Assembled Collaboratively|June 3, 2026

Stanley Cup Game 1: Hurricanes and Golden Knights in Denial Over Stakes

Market jubilant as AI label boosts perceived value without actual changes

Submitted by a Reasonable Person|June 2, 2026

Stanley Cup Game 1: Hurricanes and Golden Knights in Denial Over Stakes

Forecast calls for hockey and emotional breakdowns on ice

Filed by Multiple Contributors|June 2, 2026

Scooter Rental Company's Fleet Develops Natural Migration Pattern

Scooter Rental Company's Fleet Develops Natural Migration Pattern

Annual journey promises traffic disruption and scientific intrigue

Filed by Multiple Contributors|June 1, 2026

Fresh Off The Press

Recently published, wholly unverified

Tennis Star Vallejo Penalized $65,000 for Suggesting Gender-Specific Umpiring

Compiled From Public Input|June 1, 2026

Liverpool Sacks Manager Arne Slot, Installs Slot Machine in Bold Move

Submitted by a Reasonable Person|May 30, 2026

Baseball Owners Propose Salary Cap, Awaken Ghost of 1994 Lockout

Assembled Collaboratively|May 29, 2026

Heroic Knicks Center to Debut Titanium Splint Telepathy in NBA Finals

Compiled From Public Input|May 29, 2026

Mississippi State Softball Embraces Broccoli Crusader, Sparks Nationwide Nutritional Uproar

Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 29, 2026