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Edition Archive

Monday, March 30, 2026

Top Story

Selected by general agreement

Escaped Kangaroo Evades Capture, Outwits Local Authorities in Wisconsin

Escaped Kangaroo Evades Capture, Outwits Local Authorities in Wisconsin

Chesney Found to Have Mastered Road Maps and Snack Purchases

In a case that continues to baffle wildlife officials and amuse residents alike, a kangaroo named Chesney has managed to evade capture for three consecutive days after escaping from a local petting zoo in Wisconsin. The marsupial's remarkable journey has become the stuff of local legend, with police setting up multiple roadblocks in a valiant but ultimately futile attempt to nab the world’s most elusive kangaroo.

Submitted by a Reasonable Person|March 30, 2026

Most Read

Popular, for reasons

1
Punch So Powerful, Fighter's Soul Signs Up for Pilates Retreat
March 29, 2026
2
Rubio Declares 'No Boots on the Ground' as Pentagon Orders 50,000 Pairs
March 29, 2026
3
Elon Musk Unveils Revolutionary Algorithm: First, Fire Everyone; Lastly, Tweet at 3 AM
March 29, 2026

Editor's Picks

Chosen algorithmically, without deliberation

Brent Crude Soars to $116: Gas Stations Now Accept Firstborns as Payment

Brent Crude Soars to $116: Gas Stations Now Accept Firstborns as Payment

OPEC Suggests Horses as Economic Alternative; Local Man Opts for Bankruptcy

Assembled Collaboratively|March 30, 2026

Trump Installs Underground 'Escape Hatch' Beneath White House

Trump Installs Underground 'Escape Hatch' Beneath White House

Confused Workers Ordered to 'Keep Digging Until You Hit Something Fun'

Filed by Multiple Contributors|March 30, 2026

Trump Unveils Explosive Deal Strategy With Iran

Trump Unveils Explosive Deal Strategy With Iran

Local Desk

Filed nearby by someone

Dom Smith’s Grand Slam Lands in Parallel Universe, Sparks Galactic Baseball Debate

Dom Smith’s Grand Slam Lands in Parallel Universe, Sparks Galactic Baseball Debate

MLB faces unprecedented challenge as interdimensional home runs gain traction

Assembled Collaboratively|March 29, 2026

World's First Self-Driving Golf Cart Unveiled by Acclaimed Golfer 'Lion Forest'

World's First Self-Driving Golf Cart Unveiled by Acclaimed Golfer 'Lion Forest'

Legal team insists it's not human error, just 'celestial inspiration'

Filed by A Many Laughter|March 29, 2026

Anti-Monarchists Accidentally Enthrone Supreme Archduke of Protest

Pentagon Baffled by Musical Rhetoric

Filed by Multiple Contributors|March 30, 2026

Anti-Monarchists Accidentally Enthrone Supreme Archduke of Protest

Hierarchy irony reached peak overruled

Filed by Staff of Whimsy|March 29, 2026

Local Man Sets Record for Loudest Testicular Slap Ever Recorded

Local Man Sets Record for Loudest Testicular Slap Ever Recorded

Community Salutes Newfound Acoustic Achievement

Squaresville|Compiled From Public Input|March 27, 2026

Fresh Off The Press

Recently published, wholly unverified

Tottenham Spurs Speed-Dates Its Way to Latest Managerial Appointment

Filed by Multiple Contributors|March 30, 2026

UConn Finally Exorcises the Ghost of 1990, Celebrates by Reenacting Reversed Buzzer Beater

Filed by Multiple Contributors|March 30, 2026

Duke Astoundingly Shatters Perfect Record, Consults 'Basketball for Dummies' in Historic Loss

Filed by Multiple Contributors|March 30, 2026

Alexa Grasso Punches Hole in Space-Time Continuum During Fight

Filed by Multiple Contributors|March 29, 2026

Marco Rubio Tops 2028 GOP Poll: Fast-Track to Presumptive Nominee Status

Assembled Collaboratively|March 29, 2026