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Thursday, June 11, 2026

Top Story

Selected by general agreement

NYPD Launches Manhunt After Egg Fails to Reach Wembanyama's Shoulder

NYPD Launches Manhunt After Egg Fails to Reach Wembanyama's Shoulder

Big Egg Issues Statement, Questions Legality of Public Yolkings

In a bizarre incident outside a midtown hotel in New York City, basketball prodigy Victor Wembanyama found himself at the center of an egg-related controversy. The towering 7-foot-4 athlete was struck by a single thrown egg, which, due to his extraordinary height, only grazed his knee. Witnesses report that the egg was launched by an unidentified assailant of average arm strength.

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

Most Read

Popular, for reasons

1
Stock Exchange's AI Protests 'Risky' Label, Seeks Emotional Reparations
1d ago
2
Lionel Messi To Join Mount Rushmore; Bald Eagle Eyes Argentina
1d ago
3
NBA Declares KAT's Game-Saving Block a 'Miracle'; Knicks to Bronze His Hand
1d ago

Editor's Picks

Chosen algorithmically, without deliberation

As Travel Costs Soar, Americans Opt for Luxurious Hallway Retreats

As Travel Costs Soar, Americans Opt for Luxurious Hallway Retreats

Linen closets and living rooms top the list of new summer getaways

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

Patriotic Smartphone Assembles Identity Crisis, Demands Citizenship

Patriotic Smartphone Assembles Identity Crisis, Demands Citizenship

Claims of 'Assembled in America' Go Buzz in the Night

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

Self-Aware Weather Phenomenon Demands Spotlights and Stage Name

Self-Aware Weather Phenomenon Demands Spotlights and Stage Name

Local Desk

Filed nearby by someone

Ex-Basketball Star Accidentally Elected Mayor of Sidewalksville

Ex-Basketball Star Accidentally Elected Mayor of Sidewalksville

Victory party mistaken for democratic process

Sidewalksville|Filed by Imaginary Contributors|1d ago

UFC Constructs Octagon on White House Lawn for 'Freedom 250' Showdown

UFC Constructs Octagon on White House Lawn for 'Freedom 250' Showdown

President's Custom Walkout Theme: 'Hail to the Fists'

White House, Washington D.C.|Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

ESPN Publishes Official Rules for Knicks Celebrity Row: Fame, Faces, and Fealty

Meteorologists grapple with newly sentient El Niño's diva demands

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

ESPN Publishes Official Rules for Knicks Celebrity Row: Fame, Faces, and Fealty

Minimum fame threshold, anguished reaction shots, and triangle defense comprehension required

New York City|Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

Top 10 Pesticide-Soaked Berries Now Officially More Dangerous Than Skydiving Without a Parachute

Top 10 Pesticide-Soaked Berries Now Officially More Dangerous Than Skydiving Without a Parachute

Experts reveal the berries that will leave daredevils gasping

Assembled Collaboratively|3d ago

Fresh Off The Press

Recently published, wholly unverified

News Network Releases World Cup Guide So Extensive It Requires Its Own Guide

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

Spotify Uproots Vast Web of Fake Podcasts Prompting New Union Boom

Assembled Collaboratively|1d ago

Airlines Announce 'Fort Knox Economy' as Passengers Demand Bulletproof Amenities

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago

UK's New Defence Strategy: A Drone Named Kevin and Determined Roomba Lead the Charge

Compiled From Public Input|1d ago

Polar Bears Form Union, Demand Seal Deliveries Amidst Menu Malaise

Filed by Multiple Contributors|1d ago